I Miss My Brother

I miss my brother. My wife picked up the Shrek 4-pack from Walmart tonight, and we watched it as a family. The very beginning of the movie is the song, Hallelujah, performed by John Cale. I helped Ross figure out some of the chords and how to tab it out. That was when I learned that Vim was insanely good for writing guitar tabs.

So right from the get go the movie was rather emotional for me. I don't remember if it was our entire family who watched that when it first came out or if it was just us guys. But I remember loving it, and it provided all sorts of entertainment singing the songs and quoting from the movie.

It's been almost three years since cancer stole him from us, and every day I'm reminded of him. Sometimes it's early in the morning - the other day I saw some news article on my phone before I was even out of bed. I think it had something to do with technology and either chess or go. For those who knew Ross, it's obvious that my first thought would be, "Ah man, this is cool, I wonder if Ross..." And then I remember, and I want to scream and rage and cry. It hurts every time. And it hurts every day. I'm both blessed and cursed by having made the choice to go into software development, following in his footsteps. Because having chosen the same field, every day I encounter something that I would have either asked his opinion on, or shared with him because it's something awesome.

But I can't. Because cancer.

I need a hug.